Marriage is a commitment that should not be taken lightly. The Bible reveals that God expects us to stick to our word in all our dealings on our journey through life. When we marry, we are declaring our love and a lifetime of devotion to another. Generally we make this promise in front of family, friends and the members of our church.
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful .“Malachi 2:16
Words: 2179 / Time to read: 12 minutes
Assuming you are a Christian seeking to live a Godly life, your prospective spouse should also be Christian seeking to live a Godly life. Certainly you should not consider becoming married to an unbeliever, and perhaps you should be only considering someone who is as committed to the Lord as you are so you can easily stay in step through your journey through the rest of your lives. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Remember that most of all, we make this commitment before God! This is a commitment that should not be broken. Nine out of ten pastors will give their blessing to the marriage of two parishioners or potential members. Most churches are funded through voluntary giving and pastors who tell members what they want to hear often times have good numbers in attendance and fully funded budgets. As a committed Christian though, you should seek out the minority report from that one pastor out of ten who is not afraid to give you the Biblical truth. Remember, we answer to a higher power, God Almighty. Don’t be deceived by watered-down doctrines.
God made Eve from Adam’s side and then through their union they bore children. What an amazing demonstration of togetherness God has revealed to us through love, marriage and parenthood. We have been continuing the same tradition through all generations to present day. God’s grace is indeed amazing!
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6
If you are a Christian contemplating your choice of whether to commit yourself to another in marriage, there are many aspects to consider. First of all, we must seek the Lord’s will for our course through life. So be in prayer, seek advice from trusted sources, and practice patience.
The fact is that it is preferable to remain single and dedicate yourself to the Lord completely (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). The reality is that not all will be able to handle that option, so if marriage is necessary for you, then beware of the consequences. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. You will have to be willing to give, forgive, sacrifice and endure emotions and situations that won’t be easy to handle. Your time will be divided between the Lord, your spouse, children and an extra set of extended family members. Every coin has two sides and the blessings of marriage are sometimes curses.
Aren’t there acceptable reasons for divorce?
There are indeed Biblical exceptions which allow for divorce. These exceptions are clearly defined. They are sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32) and desertion by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:12-15). Basically, the Bible reveals that God’s plan is for marriage to be a lifetime commitment. However, because of the sinfulness of mankind and the hardness of our hearts, we sometimes divert from the best plans for us and suffer the consequences. Divorce may warranted when one partner commits adultery or any type of sexual perversion. Obviously, in many cases this is a sin that should be forgiven by the other spouse and the marriage may be salvaged (1 Corinthians 13). In cases where the immorality continues, then divorce may be warranted though remarriage in such a case is not addressed in the Bible. In a case where an unbelieving spouse abandons the remaining spouse, they may seek a divorce though remarriage is questionable. Death clears the way for remarriage so if the abandonment results in enough years to have them legally declared dead, that would open the door to the possibility of remarriage.
There may be cases where a spouse is subject to abuse physically, mentally or emotionally. Separation would be in order in cases such as these. The teaching of the Bible does not indicate that a believer should stay in an abusive marriage environment. Separation does not necessarily include divorce. Prayer, patience and forgiveness should accompany counseling with the hope of healing and restoration. The waiting period may extend to the end of your life.
Beware of remarriage. Before you remarry you must investigate the eligibility of yourself and your potential spouse. If either of you have been previously married and divorced apart from the Biblical exceptions noted previously, then you may be guilty of committing adultery by marrying another. Remember, as Christians we answer to a higher power than the state laws or faulty church guidelines. The state may say divorced people can remarry and the church may offer their blessing but the Bible says if you marry someone who was divorced, you may be committing adultery.
“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:32
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:9
“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
What about a Christian who realizes they made a mistake in a previous divorce or remarriage? Simple. Acknowledge the error, confess it privately and when appropriate, publicly. The Lord forgives, the church forgives and you continue in your present circumstances. You don’t need to live feeling guilty about the mistake, merely confess and move on. You certainly don’t need to wreck a subsequent marriage to try to make the original one right. Upon reviewing these truths of Scripture, perhaps the wise advice from the Apostle Paul to the Christians in Corinth may make more sense:
“Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
“To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
“But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I laid down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised.Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
“Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person;similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
“Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
“What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
“If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.”
1 Corinthians 7
All Scripture quoted from:
New International Version (NIV)
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
